03.18.08
Dear America, learn to cook
I am not Irish. Really. Not even slightly. And this is why I’m not out drinking myself to destruction tonight, on some vague claim to be decended from the people over the water. This however is a subject for another day, probably tomorrow, in all honesty.
No, tonights diatribe is reserved for American cooks mutilation of the world cuisine. I am sick to death of reading about habribo-lime pestos, lemon salsa, diary free fat free no Arabic style salt mayonnaise.
What joins these two subject? This vile collection of faux Irish food over on about.com which drives me insane with rage. The list looks about as Irish as my left foot. Irish Mint Flavored Coffee Creamer is not I feel authentic. Fudge Mint Pie probably falls into that catagory too. Making the food green, or worse still drowning it in Guinness does not make it Irish, just like adding whisky does not make it Scottish or garlic French, pasta Italian or rice Indian.
There are how ever some names on there that atleast fit. Colcannon for example, and Irish Stew, lamb shanks and Corned Beef and Cabbage Skillet Casserole. Lets have a look at these in turn.
The Irish stew contains garlic which is a travesty, but nothing compared te the included refrigerated potato wedges. Yes, you read correctly. Now hold your breath and wait to read…”16 oz. pkg. refrigerated prepared roast beef in gravy”. Yes, I kid you not. Now take a deep breath and venture into the horror that is Corned Beef and Cabbage Skillet Casserole.
Corned Beef casserole (or tattyhash as it is sometimes known) is a great meal. Boiled potatoes gone oversoft with onion and meaty goodness of cornbeef. It’ll even work ok with the tinned stuff (in fact some probably prefer it), but never ever should the instructions open with… (hold on tight now)
8 oz. egg noodles
NOODLES? IRISH? NO!
So here are the rules. America, you have some wonderful food. I’ve had wonderful hotdogs in Chicago. The best burgers I’ve ever eaten were in New York. The food tour of Greenwich Village I went on was simply brilliant. You’ve got some great cheeses and beers (yes - really - you don’t need to drink Bud!), Texas and the southern states do the best BBQ’d meat I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve eaten a lot, so can you please please please stop fucking around other countries food. No instructions that includes a whole ready meal is going to be remotely authentic.
